It was 2008 when I found myself atop a horse in the Montana mountains gazing over the hills, as a black bear ran full speed into the wind a couple miles away.
I was freer than I had ever been in my life and, as I inhaled the cool mountain air, I knew I had found something no amount of money could buy and worth more than life itself. I had left 3 babies, at home with their Dad and followed a trusted ob/gyn friend (also a mother of infant twins) who said this would be good for my soul and may save my marriage.
After days of early morning rituals, chanting, drumming and singing, I had experienced vulnerability within and around me that, literally, cracked me open.
Sitting in a field, alone, I cried for all the hours and days of my life I had missed – all the beauty that had been stolen by hospitals and night shifts, by a world that wanted me to function, but didn’t care if I lived.
I released fear, embraced courage and surrendered to the deepest knowing that I was born for Purpose. For the first time, I was surrounded by the acceptance and support of women on a collective quest to find their inner “wild woman” and the audacity to believe in a future that would exalt feminine as powerful, necessary and needed.
I had endured an emotional and spiritual awakening of epic proportions, the blessing of an indigenous sweat lodge, the friendship of women from all stages and walks of life and, sitting atop that horse, I knew, for the first time, I was home.
I was ready to return to my family, my marriage and 24/7 clinical work, but I was never going back to the woman I was before I met Sierra Bender.
Women are the rock and foundation of their families and our world and together we have the ability to rise, to lift as we climb and to heal the hearts, souls and minds of people. But the world has denied us our power, making us feel like our softness is weakness and our sexual and sensual energy is to be repressed, lest we make someone feel uncomfortable or appear “too much”.
“Goddess in the bedroom” is about finding your inner sexy so she can free you from the external pressures and expectations of a world that has wanted to keep you “seen and not heard”. It’s not always easy finding her, hiding away under generations of pressure and patriarchy but the inner journey is the trip of a lifetime and you’ll be eternally grateful you hopped in the saddle: It will free you, liberate you and introduce you to parts of yourself you’ve never met. It’s exhilarating!
About a week after my return from Sierra’s workshop, my husband said, “you’re different” and it was the greatest compliment I could have received. He sensed, in me, a confidence to take up space. I had opened a channel between my everyday life and my inner goddess, an energy that spanned generations past, present and future and fueled my vivacity. An energy that was mine but belongs to ALL women. For once, I had embraced my innate feminine, allowing me to see all the ways I had shoved her down. She was alive, vibrant, self-assured and she had arrived just in time.
Sierra Bender took my hand and lit the path to reclamation and wholeness, she is a wise and loving goddess sister.
In “Goddess in the Bedroom”, I am honored to be walking alongside Sierra and holding space for other women who are ready to reclaim what is already theirs: power, sexuality, sensuality and the feminine goddess within.
The goddess prayer (Sierra Bender):
I am feminine
I am sensual
I am sexual
I am powerful
Don’t ever mistake my kindness for weakness and don’t ever take me for granted